


What's wrong with me?

by Rowan_is_dead_inside



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: I'm tired, Non-graphic starvation, POV Remus sanders, Slight swearing, Un!Patton, its 1 am right now, most of it is from Remus' pov or third person(limited), remus sanders is a sweetheart on the inside, sjhnckajh, so is janus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26438020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowan_is_dead_inside/pseuds/Rowan_is_dead_inside
Summary: Nope. not doing a summary this time lads.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	What's wrong with me?

**Author's Note:**

> Warning! Slight swearing, non-graphic starvation, Un!Pat
> 
> think that's it. have fun y'all, if I missed any please let me know!

A child Remus stared ahead of himself, “What happens when someone gets stabbed?” Morality gasped and shunned him for the thought. How was it a bad thought? He had thoughts like that all the time. Did the others not have those thoughts too? He recalled a few similar situations most of them ended in him getting punished by Mo, after all, Morality said it was to make him better and that’s why he had to be punished, it made sense to him.

A few years later he started to despise the thoughts that swarm inside of him. If he never says anything then he won’t get punished, right? Wrong, Morality had a way of finding out when he was having those thoughts and he’d always be punished. It sucked though because even when he wasn’t thinking of bad things he still got punished. After a while, he started to think that Mo-Patton(he had given us his name around that time.) only used it as an excuse to punish him.

When he reached the age of 8 he got dropped off at a big large door, he wasn’t as terrified as he should have been, the door intrigued him more than anything. When it opened all he could see was black, he wondered why there was no light or why it was practically freezing. Patton left him there, he can still recall the sting as he hit the ground from when Patton shoved him into that dreaded place.

When he was 10 he was pale and skinny, at first, he wandered around trying to figure out what this place was or if anyone else was there, he found nothing. He was pretty sure his voice wouldn’t work anymore and if he was human he’d be dead by now. He found out that having little fat on your bones makes you cold easier, oh and that hunger pains hurts. 

At 10 and a half, he started to wander around again, maybe he could find something to help seize the hunger. What he found instead was much much better, he found someone else. Upon seeing each other they both started to bawl. Remus didn’t care if the person was friend or foe he instantly ran up to him and embraced him in a warm hug letting out a few grunts of happiness trying not to upset his voice even further. The stranger seemed to understand and smiled one of the purest smiles Remus has ever seen, he just had to smile back even if he looked kind of scary with half of his face covered.

At age 11 the two were settled and living with each other, they still had a food problem and not actually having any like proper home stuff, but they made do. Remus was slowly gaining his voice back, it was a lot harder when they didn’t have water accessible to them but once again, they made do. They had zero realization that two 11-year-olds shouldn’t be fending for themselves with no food, water, or shelter. 

“Hey, Dee?” he got a hum from the other hummed in reply, “How- why were you alone here?” his friend who still refuses to uncover half of his face froze, “It’s nothing, Remus.” he sighed, “was it Patton?” he got a confused ‘huh?’ in reply, “Morality?” he tried. Realization dawned upon Deceit’s face, “yeah..” “same..” they both spent the next hour or so just comforting each other.

They were almost 13, Dee had disappeared a while ago and Remus was getting worried, “Dee-Dee?? Double-D? Hey! Where are you?! You can’t leave me like they did! That’s unfair!” The rest of the day was spent with him having a breakdown. Around five pm Deceit made his way back to the Darkside hands full with something, he froze when he saw the state Remus was in, “shit!” (yes, he knew curses) He quickly sat down the things he had and ran over to Remus, “I’m so so sorry, I just- you would’ve come with me if I told you and that’s risky and I’m sorry. But hey, guess what I got.” he motioned over to the things he set down, it was a bit hard to see in the dark but eventually, Remus was able to tell what they were. “Oh my god.. No way..” “Yes way.” Remus crawled over to the fruit that sat on the other end of the room, “Can- can I?” Deceit nodded and instantly Remus picked up an apple and sunk his teeth in it. He nearly cried at just the flavor, he was only able to get half the apple down before his stomach threatened to force all the food out of him. Maybe he should have grabbed a softer fruit like that banana to not feel as sick. “You want the other half?” Deceit smiled and nodded, taking the other half of the apple and eating it slowly. 

Remus was almost 15, the duo had made it routine to steal from the lights. They never noticed a few pieces of fruit or those spare old blankets that they kept in the closet were gone anyway. However, they stopped summoning as much fruit as before so in turn, they had to be more reckless if they wanted to eat. Remus had observed the lights and found that they had the ability to summon stuff on a whim, he attempted it himself and was in slightly dazed amazement that there was suddenly a battery-powered lamp in front of him. “Dee. .. we have a light source now.” his friend looked over and held a confused look on his face as Remus turned on the lamp. “Woahh” they both gasped to see the walls were a brownish-purple and had small little designs on them. Remus looked to Deceit and almost cried, he could see his friend clearly for the first time in ever. “Did you steal the lamp?” Remus shook his head, “summoned it. I think. I see the lights do it all the time” Deceit focused on summoning something he had seen in the lights fridge before, next thing he knew there was a small piece of fried chicken in his hands, he felt extremely drained, however. That day they figured out that they can’t rely on summoning their own food, it took too much out of them.

They were halfway through their 15th year of life when something happened that forced them to change their whole dynamic, a teen their age showed up out of nowhere and was instantly banned to the darkside. The poor thing was in panic attack after panic attack after panic attack, Dee tried to comfort him but nothing worked, which was understandable. Paranoia was well, paranoid all the time. He always kept an eye behind his back, he hated how they had to get food, had multiple violent outbursts, it was clear that he was somewhat spoiled by the lights before they kicked him to the curb. But, no matter how frustrating Paranoia could be none of them blamed him. After all, Dee was a compulsive liar and Remus was messed in the head. They quickly invited him into their family of misfits.

At 17 Parano-Anxiety left, both Dee and Remus hurt for a while after that one. It felt like a blow to the face. Even if he left them they could at least respect that he wanted to be called Anxiety instead of Paranoia. They both prayed that he wouldn’t go tell the lights how they get food, they’d for sure be dead if he did, they’d be scolded, and their food source would be taken away. Hopefully P-Anxiety would understand that food is vital for them, it was the only way they could summon stuff and get everything they needed like heaters, light, things to sleep on, etc.. The rest of that day was fuzzy, no matter how many times Remus tried to remember what happened he couldn’t.

He and Dee were 19 now, Remus had a mustache in which he obviously walked around proudly with it. Dee had started to uncover his face, only took him nine years, all jokes aside Remus was forever grateful that his friend trusted him this much. Oh and he was also grateful for the amount of snake jokes he could make now. Their living space had grown since they first discovered summoning stuff, they now had a couch, small stove, mini-fridge, and one decent-sized bed. Remus was laying on the couch when Deceit came over and plopped right on him, “we need to make another food run soon.” Remus stared at him in disbelief, “But- didn’t we just go for a food run yesterday?” Deceit looked confused, “No. Remus the last food run we made was last week.” “oh.” He sighed, food runs always got him nervous. They are exactly what the name implies, grab the food, and run. 

They were 25 now, Remus couldn’t believe he had spent 17 years of his life in this dump. Well, sort of dump. The living area was much nicer now, lighting, a small kitchen, a little tv, still only one bed because the two liked to share, a couch, and a small coffee table. They still had to rely on the lights for their food but eh, they haven’t been caught yet so hopefully, they won’t get caught in the future. 

And that brings them to where they are today, aka in the middle of Thomas’ living room as everyone argued, Remus, on the other hand, was amazed at how much stuff was in the room until he remembered that Thomas doesn’t summon things, nor is he almost starving half the time. Heh, Remus just noticed for the first time he lived a pretty crappy childhood, but oh well. Nothing he could do about it.


End file.
